plz talk dirty to me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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