Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
