ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
