My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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