um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm just crazy horny about you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
