Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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