im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
