there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
