This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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