I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
