is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
