i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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