I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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