she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
