I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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