I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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