we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
