think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
