I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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