Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
