Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize