i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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