Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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