I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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