he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
