Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
