I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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