They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
