Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
