I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
