Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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