I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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