I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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