The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
