i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
