I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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