the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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