please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
