Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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