Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
