Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
