woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
