one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
