i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
