Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
