I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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