Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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