when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
