96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My vagina is very pro this idea
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
