Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
