I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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