Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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