Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
