totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
