I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
