My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
