I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
