I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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