He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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