i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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