I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
