And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
