Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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