My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
