Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
