We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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