I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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