We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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