the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
