he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
