dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
