forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
