Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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