New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize