that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
where does the pee come out of this thing
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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